Hey fwendz! Sorry I’ve been MIA — been SO busy and traveling a ton, but I’m baackkkk and have a bunch of fun posts coming soon. Speaking of traveling I’ve been experiencing a lot of the same shit over and over so wanted to share some realness about being on an airplane.
SO, we all know traveling is a bitch. The whole process: packing, ubering to the airport, going through security, spending $75 on a glass of wine at the airport…but today I’m going to focus on the actual act of flying and discussing the shit — the very annoying, uncomfortable and WTF shit — that actually happens on an airplane.
I’ve experienced literally everything on this list, but please share any other ridiculousness in the comments that you’ve dealt with while on a plane!
- Finding out your seat buddies are a smelly old man and a crying baby. NOoooOOoo
- When you have to get up to go to the bathroom and have to pass people in the aisle and rub butts. Like, is this considered our first date? Do you want my phone number?
- Your seat doesn’t recline and you’re on a 6 hour flight.
- You sit next to the airplane police and tells you you shouldn’t put your jacket in the overhead. (This JUST happened to me last week. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS and LET ME LIVE)
- Your seat mate keeps hogging the armrest and you start playing a bitchy game of MOVE YOUR ELBLOW.
- You have an ideal row 4 window seat and a family of 18 asks you to switch with them so they can “all be together”. NOPE. I DON’T CARE. I GLADLY ACCEPT TITLE OF BIGGEST BITCH ON THE PLANE.
- You sit in the vicinity of a farter. RIP
- You’re on a business trip and have to work on the plane but there is not enough space on your tray to fit your computer so you are working hunched in a little ball.
- The person diagonal from you won’t shut their window and it is GLARING into your eyeballs.
- Someone pukes and the whole plane smells making you want to puke.
- When they bake fresh cookies for first class…and you’re definitely not in first class. RUDE
- The food. Nuff said. (although I do have to say Virgin’s cheese plate is aiite)
- You haven’t showered in two days and you sit next to a cute guy. That would happen to me.
- You’re watching a movie and a sex scene comes on and you feel like everyone is judging you. AGAIN, LET ME LIVE
- When you land, and are trying to get off the plane someone behind you doesn’t let you go first. ISN’T IT COMMON KNOWLEDGE YOU DEPLANE IN ORDER. STEP BACK BRO
Happy flying! 😂
Here comes the
wine bride…here comes the wine bride….
Ahh, the time when one of your BFFs is in love, getting married and asks YOU to stand up by her side on the biggest day of her life. So sweet, right?! Well, YES…and don’t get me wrong I am honored but let’s be real, it’s not just standing up next to them but soo much more and we all know this. To anyone who has been a bridesmaid or — even better — a maid of honor — knows that while it’s an exciting time, it is also a stressful, money sucking, drama filled time for the lucky group of ladies. FUNNNNNN
No matter what though, there are things that arise when you are prepping for one of your closest friends or family members big day and not all of them make you cry tears of joy, but tears of stress (is that a thing?). Not having your dress fit? AWESOME. Spending a month’s worth of rent money on new clothes, hotel stays and gifts? SUPER GREAT. Getting bitched at because you recommended something to the
head bitch in charge Maid of Honor. THE BEST.
Here are other things I’ve personally experienced or heard about directly from friends who have been a bridesmaid. If you have any other ridiculous stories PLEASE share in the comments. I’d love to hear!
- Not all bridemaids are created equal, like you’re totally her best friend but she haddddd to make Sally the maid of honor because she was Sallys. #uhhuh
- Your bride has turned into a bonafide bridezilla…and wants to go on a week long cruise for her bachelorette party. It’s only $1500, bargain right?! #hellno
- Bridesmaid dresses are never really that cute…and will never fit perfectly or be completely your style.
- You will have to spend more money than you want…read on.
- You will need a spray tan. $
- You will need a mani pedi $$
- You will need a dress $$$$…and have it altered $$$$
- You will need to attend or even better yet plan a bachelorette party $$$$$
- You will need a wedding gift $$$$$$
- You will have to deal with a lot of emotions- tears, yelling, laughter…it comes with the territory
- You get thrown into being into a ‘bride tribe’ of ladies who you probably aren’t already that close with or don’t even know at all…you can imagine the gossip and drama that arises.
- No matter what, the bride will be emotional. Get your shoulder ready to cry on and all the tissues
- While things may be going to SHIT in your own life, that doesn’t matter. The wedding is the most important thing ever and you need to suck it up.
- Group chat messages will not stop until wedding day. I hope you have unlimited texts.
- If you’re single, going wedding dress shopping gives you hives. ::chugs champagne::
Really though, it’s always a crazy but fun experience. I can’t wait for my besties big day this weekend. Follow my insta story or Snapchat for all my real talk behind the scenes!
You guys. I had a near death experience. I used one of those stupid fucking black charcoal masks and it nearly ripped my face off. If you don’t get passed this whole blog post, just leave with my advice to never, ever, EVER try these masks. The funny thing is I have seen probably 1000 videos of people completely covering their faces in this wildly popular type of mask and screaming… crying… deep breathing, because it is so painful to get off. Did that stop me? No, no it didn’t because I thought “How bad could it really be” and “I’ll only apply it to my nose and chin.” Thinking I was prepared for what was to come… But ohhhh, girl was I wrong.
But let me not ramble any longer but show you my experience because you knowwww I recorded the entire thing on my Snapchat and InstaStory. So let my pain, be your viewing pleasure.
Oh and if you’re wondering if it “worked”…considering it rips literally anything that comes in contact with your face off…sure. It removed black heads, hair, skin…and my dignity. Ok you get the point.
Follow my Instagram Stories and Snapchats because that’s where all the real shit happens in real time on the daily.
**I’m aware the audio isn’t matching the video — working on it. Sowee.
When it comes to online dating, a photo speaks volumes and is honestly how most people make up their mind if they even want to spend time reading through the rest of your profile. Over the -ahem- years I’ve been on and off dating sites, I continue to see the same horrible photos that men use for their profiles. Don’t get me wrong, women are not perfect (hello, mirror selfies, #guilty!) but men, you really need to step it up. It’s called a smartphone, we all have them and it’s really not that hard.
Here are the top offenders that drive me INSANE.
- Shirtless, yes that’s number one.
- Shirtless at the gym….I mean….
- Group photos- How the hell are we supposed to know WHO YOU ARE?
- Baby photos – No baby, no baby photos.
- Surrounded by girls. Nothing says “date me” like showing what a douchebag wannabe player you probably aren’t. It’s not cool.
- Posing with a tiger in Thailand. Yes, I have this photo too, but it’s not on my dating profile. AKA YOU BASIC BROOOOOOOOO
- A photo so close up it shows your pores
- Modeling or any headshots — like let’s not be so formal, aye? Save it for LinkedIn
- Filtered on filtered. Where did your face go?
- A photo from 10 years ago….and no – you don’t still look like that.
- One photo only…like WHAT THE FUCK there has to be something wrong with this person. It’s called a cell phone, you know those things you can take a billion photos on? Run. This person is hiding something.
- Lastly, some guys don’t put a photo. AT ALL. You are not that special or that cool. If you are you should only be using Raya or The League or something else elitist to protect your top secret identity.
Remember when you were little and got sick? You would practically ring a little bell and your mom would show up within five minutes with medicine, juice, tissues, cough drops….a fucking magical rainbow unicorn…you get my point.
But as you grow up and move out on your own you have to fend for yourself. AKA ADULTING. Being sick as an adult sucks because if you run out of tissues or medicine you actually have to go out on your own to get what you need. Or call Postmates and spend $79 on soup, DayQuill and crackers. It’s your choice. This also is for most of the females because don’t even get me started on when men get sick, they pretty much revert back to being 6 year olds but 10 times more needy — maybe we’ll save that for another post HA!
A few more reasons why being sick as an adult is the worst:
- You still have to work. Even though I am home with a 100 degree fever covered in a mountain of tissues, I have a job to do and even if I do take the day actually off I have like 8 million meetings to reschedule and will open my inbox to 300 new messages, a don’t even get me started on the anxiety that Slack notifications bring me.
- Being…well, single. I have to do all my normal adulting things like walking the dog, grocery shopping, getting the mail…which brings me to the next point
- You are bound to run into your hot neighbor looking your all time ugliest with a soup stain on your sweatshirt — no joke this just happened to me. #wantmynumber
- You’re sweating hot. No, you’re freezing cold with shivers. Come on, body – can you make up your mind please?
- No matter how many times you blow your nose it will still be clogged.
- Due to the hundreds of times you blew your nose, your nose is now raw, red and peeling – super cute. No, aloe tissues do not solve this.
- ::Makes tea that is too hot to drink:: ::Forgets about tea until it is ice cold::
- I feel like I have so many more important things to be doing than sitting in bed being bored. Like I could be crossing things off my to do list here, people.
Overall, it’s a reminder that you have to take care of yourself . I have such a hard time slowing down and it’s seriously ok to put yourself first once in awhile to avoid all the above shit. Ok, time to call Postmates….
I’m baaaack! Did ya miss me? #missedyoutoo SO! Where the heck have I been?
Well, I spent the last week in New York and Boston for our latest #PoshNation events and quickly learned we were heading to a blizzard…which, for a California gal is not ideal. To be honest, I never even owned and coat (like a real COAT) until I started traveling for work 4 years ago. Any other time I went to the snow I would borrow a friends or family members winter appropriate pieces.
During this most recent trip to NY, I came to a lot of realizations about how utterly unprepared I was and how many things about the snow you don’t ever realize unless you have to experience it. So yes, some of these things may seem RIDICULOUS but hey — I live in a state where the weather is 70 degrees 10 months out of the year…so give your warm blooded girl a break.
Without further adieu….my list of shit I learned as a Cali girl in a blizzard.
- There is no way in hell you are going to find a coat or snow boots to purchase at any store in California in March…I tried.
- 20 degrees feels like needles rushing through your body and a snowman blowing icicles kisses on your face.
- You really need snow boots. Not ankle boots. Not suede boots. Not Nike sneakers (which is all of what I brought). Waterproof boots with thick socks and treading is the top choice — I was slipping and tripping and sliding…not fun.
- Layering is key — And not just layering a coat over a t-shirt…also something I am guilty of doing.
- Literally nothing is open and you should stock up on things you need. LIKE WINE OR WATER OR FOOD. Thank goodness our hotel restaurant was open!
- Booze. It’s obviously a life essential in a crisis such as a blizzard. #enoughsaid
- Fingerless gloves are useless. Just no.
- Your phone WILL go into arctic shock and not function. It literally shut off. Like “Bitch I’m too cold to work” and my fingers were too cold to detect any touch screen functions…so there was that.
- Makeup is completely unnecessary. I attempted once during the day and I ended up getting it all over a scarf and because it was so cold my eyes watered…I looked way cute.
- Accessories are pretty much key. Beanies, gloves, scarves…you need them all.
- Uber drivers expect you to climb over a wall of snow to get in the car. If I can’t even WALK properly in the snow how do you expect me to climb through an icy hill to get in?
- I couldn’t tell if my feet were wet or cold. They were both.
- You go from freezing cold outside, to sweating hot inside – there is no balance.
- Peeling off layers and putting them back on is a fucking PROCESS and takes legit 5 minutes.
Pretty much, the snow is no joke BUT I do have to say it’s absolutely beautiful and I had a grand ole time experiencing it on this trip. Is it summer yet? ☀️
Happy International Women’s Day! I had a different post ready to go for today, but have been feeling so inspired about celebrating all the amazing women in the world so wanted to shine light on why being a woman FUCKING ROCKS and why we seriously are the most complex, fabulous beings on earth.
This list could obviously go on and on, but I had to narrow it down.
- We are STRONG. Stronger than we know, just when you think you can’t possibly accomplish or do anything more, YOU DO.
- We overcome. Sadness, heartbreak, career growth, loneliness, depression, anxiety, financial struggles, motherhood…any and all life’s challenges – WE GOT THIS.
- We are in touch with our feelings and not afraid to show it. Cry, laugh, yell. It’s healthy and letting emotions out is something you should pride yourself on.
- Our bodies are BEAUTIFUL. Any size, any shape, any color. ROCK IT
- We are mothers, sisters, friends, bosses, daughters and make it look fucking easy…even when it’s not
- We empower, inspire, motivate, love, nurture, fight, and support one another
- We can communicate verbally like no one’s business, but even more amazing, with no words at all. Work that body language.
- Multitasking comes easy to us, gym, work, kids, friends, cleaning, reading, paying bills…all at the same damn time and looking fucking good doing it…ok, maybe not at the same time but you know what I mean…. AKA we are superheroes.
- We take no bullshit and have no boundaries
- Lastly, we can contour and draw on our eyebrows like no one’s business.
Like I said this list could go on forever but I am SO in love with being a woman and being surrounded by so many women who pick me up, support me, love me and inspire me it is truly amazing.
GIRL FUCKING POWER!