Sometimes you need a BREAK. From working out, some friends, laundry, work, pretty much any and everything that can be overwhelming and suck the positive energy out of you. One thing that I constantly have to take breaks from? ONLINE DATING. I go in this cycle every few months where I just can’t. possibly. swipe left or ignore a d-bag type message any longer.
This time around, there are three clear reasons why I need a fucking break…
This is when you know it’s time. When you start seeing the same people on every app, profile pictures of guys in costumes or then you hit a wall where even the app itself tells you “girl, take a breather cause not even our algorithm can find a decent catch right now.”
THE AWFUL MESSAGES
CAN YOU EVEN?! Guys hide behind these apps and I am flabbergasted at the disgusting pigs some of them are. Here is the extreme of one pig and another cheeseball. SIGH. It is so frustrating sifting through messages like this — I only even responded because I could tell they were up to no good. You better believe I responded to the perv and gave him a piece of my mind.
ENERGY AND TIME SUCK The hardest part of it all is feeling like you are wasting your time. I have thick skin and don’t let the above get to me, but time is precious so use it wisely!
And do I want to date? SURE! It’s not that I wouldn’t want to if it happened, but the actual effort it takes to online date, it sometimes feels like you are in an endless, hopeless, exhausting journey and when I start to feel that way – I am ouuuuuttt. Just as in life with anything, the minute you aren’t happy and excited about something, take a break and focus on the things that bring you joy!
When it comes to online dating, a photo speaks volumes and is honestly how most people make up their mind if they even want to spend time reading through the rest of your profile. Over the -ahem- years I’ve been on and off dating sites, I continue to see the same horrible photos that men use for their profiles. Don’t get me wrong, women are not perfect (hello, mirror selfies, #guilty!) but men, you really need to step it up. It’s called a smartphone, we all have them and it’s really not that hard.
Here are the top offenders that drive me INSANE.
Shirtless, yes that’s number one.
Shirtless at the gym….I mean….
Group photos- How the hell are we supposed to know WHO YOU ARE?
Baby photos – No baby, no baby photos.
Surrounded by girls. Nothing says “date me” like showing what a douchebag wannabe player you probably aren’t. It’s not cool.
Posing with a tiger in Thailand. Yes, I have this photo too, but it’s not on my dating profile. AKA YOU BASIC BROOOOOOOOO
A photo so close up it shows your pores
Modeling or any headshots — like let’s not be so formal, aye? Save it for LinkedIn
Filtered on filtered. Where did your face go?
A photo from 10 years ago….and no – you don’t still look like that.
One photo only…like WHAT THE FUCK there has to be something wrong with this person. It’s called a cell phone, you know those things you can take a billion photos on? Run. This person is hiding something.
Lastly, some guys don’t put a photo. AT ALL. You are not that special or that cool. If you are you should only be using Raya or The League or something else elitist to protect your top secret identity.
Being single on Valentine’s Day is not a bad thing. I repeat this is NOT a bad thing. While everyone else is getting disappointed they didn’t get spoiled with chocolate or flowers, or their boyfriend forgot to make a reservation at an overpriced restaurant, or whatever crazy expectation wasn’t met, sometimes the grass is always greener and this is why being single can be fucking amazing on this overhyped holiday!
It’s actually a great time to show yourself the love you deserve and TREAT YO’SELF, amirite?! While everyone else is worried about their significant other and whether or not they will live up to the expectations of all that is Valentine’s Day, you can kick back, relax, open up some wine and order some Postmates – because you are single and can do whatever the hell you want!
Here are 10 things to do to show yourself some love today:
Wake up, light some candles and stretch
Listen to a girl power playlist
Write a love note to yourself
Take a bubble bath and do a face mask
Leave work a little early
Go on a walk without your phone
Send yourself flowers — no one is judging!
Have a glass of wine…or bottle
Buy a box of chocolates and take a bite of each one
Masturbate — I told you I’m keeping it real on this blog. So yes, enjoy.
Yes, this is part one…because let’s face it, there will be many in this series. And you may be thinking that the title is aggressive. But, let’s face it online dating is freaking aggressive…and sad, and confusing and ugh so many things. I mean, who REALLY wants to be judged on a handful of photos and a short bio to see if you are a compatible match with someone. I don’t WANT to but it’s practically our only choice now a days.
So, what’s the big problem? Well just to start, no matter how cute of photos you post, or how witty and smart you sound in your dating profile, you will get discouraged, feel like you’ll be alone forever and definitely get the occasional (and by occasional I mean frequent) horn dogs sending a “hey beautiful, the things I would do to u” or “letz meet and fuk” over a thoughtful and respectful first message. I’m not even kidding, this has happened more times than I can count. Can you not?
I always think…is that really how you would everrrrr go up to a girl. NO.
To that my feelings are this:
Notice the folder name? I did not do that for blog purposes either – it has been properly titled “Dating aka HELL” for over a year now.
So without further adieu, here are just 15 of the many reasons why online dating SUCKS:
There are far too many apps…and all are filled with the same shitty people
They trick you into paying for a subscription to see who likes you, or who messaged you, or who winked at you or who super liked you- whatever happened to love don’t cost a thing?
You’ll end up talking to someone for weeks before being able to make a date…or not
Which brings me to this point. YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME
Get hopeful over nothing…
When you write a message and then they read it and don’t respond you really feel good about yourself
Too many notifications on your phone, don’t we have enough social media to keep up with?
Douchebags. Enough Said.
Men are horrible at selecting photos, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON AND DON’T POST A GROUP PHOTO AS YOUR PROFILE PIC
They say they are looking for something real…but I think most mean “real, quick”
You go out and they make you pay
No, I’m not just looking for a hook up
Everyone always think there is something better out there — this isn’t a restaurant where you get to see what the catch of the day is
You WILL see an ex bf or someone you know pop up and then you have to screenshot it and pretend you never saw it
If you do actually find someone and your friends ask how you met, you will forever have to say “TINDER” #romantic
Soon I’ll tell you about why dating sucks particularly in the bay area….that will be a good one. Lastly, of course I am forever optimistic, hopeful and always looking on the bright side AKA that most of this makes a damn good story.